The reason why self-understanding leads to the elimination of envy is because when you explore the labyrinth of your mind, you simply have no room to want what another person has. Because if you explore your own mind’s motives in great detail, you’ll learn more about humankind than playing any game ever will. Rather than chasing the next car, you’ll explore why you wanted to chase that car in the first place. To see beyond the game is to direct your attention inward instead. No human being wants to be reduced to an algorithm, but it’s funny how if you get enough of us together, we behave in ways that are just as predictable as the execution of a file. You see the puppet strings of incentives and the invisible hierarchies that govern the way the pieces move, and this realization is both fascinating and disconcerting. There is an interesting thing that happens when you see how society is organized into a giant game. #1 is what psychologists refer to as the hedonic treadmill, while #2 is what I refer to as the antidote to envy. (2) Learn that this entire chase is pointless. (1) Keep yourself busy by chasing another car, or There’s simply nothing you could do, except one of two things: If you got the thing that was the subject of your envy, then what? Is that it? Are you satisfied?Ĭhances are, you’ll be like the dog having caught the car. I find that the same thing applies to the chase of success or anything that might make you feel envious. One of my favorite Joker lines from The Dark Knight is when he says that people are like dogs chasing cars they won’t know what to do if they actually catch them. You’re ceasing to look into what makes you uniquely you, and are gazing into the chaos of chasing that which you don’t understand. Regardless of what the barometer is, the fact that you desire it means that you’re looking beyond the contents of your mind and into the collective pool of society.
In another, it could be the size of a home. In another, it may be social media followers. In one person’s case, it might be wealth. It arises when you outsource your definitions of success to whatever norms you’ve adopted – whether consciously or not. Ultimately, envy is the result of not knowing who you are. Not only is it difficult to admit this to others, but it’s just as hard to admit it to oneself.īut that last word – oneself – is where the solution to this resides. No one wants to admit that the success of others makes them feel inadequate, and that this inadequacy dampens their sense of self-worth.
Envy is running through everyone’s veins, yet no one feels like they could talk about it. And whenever a hierarchy like this exists, the fingers of envy creep within.Īll this results in a conundrum. You’re always comparing yourself to someone ahead of you, and the goalpost will keep moving because the algorithm ensures that it moves on your behalf. Revealing that you’re an envious person won’t yield much sympathy, and is often accompanied by a sense of shame that you feel this way.īut envy is one of the most pervasive problems in today’s world, especially as social media normalizes the successes of others, making you feel like you’re “underperforming” the average when in reality you’re being shown a highlight reel of outliers. Envy, however, hasn’t quite found that comfort zone. Vulnerability came on center stage when Brene Brown gave a popular TED Talk on it, while depression has emerged as something that’s okay to discuss in recent years. Simply put, envy is one of those complicated emotions that hasn’t had its time in the spotlight yet. I’m calling it an observation because I can’t point to a research paper that clearly shows this asymmetry, yet my personal exploration of human nature indicates that this is likely true. I’d like to start with an observation: Some people are open about their struggles with envy, while the majority hide it. Today, I want to talk about what it means to know yourself, and how this results in the elimination of envy. Whatever I am, that I want to understand.
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